I would make this war as severe as possible, and show no symptoms of tiring till the South begs for mercy.
-General William Tecumseh Sherman
Hello people south of the dixie! How yawl doin’ tonight? Today is the 150th anniversary marking the historic conclusion of America’s civil war, via THE SURRENDER AT APPOMATTOX.
“Sign that shit, bitch.”
After the civil war ended, the Northern Masters sent large armies to occupy, police and rebuild the southern states. In many of these states, most of which were ardently backwards and barbarically racist, Northern Masters educated the people how to pay others for work done on the farm. The south soon transformed from a slave state, of the old traditional Roman kind, to a capitalistic haven filled with craven bible thumping gun nuts.
To this day, people of northern persuasion chuckle at the south’s obsession with guns, knowing they didn’t know how to use them when it counted. Nonetheless, we are sure you did try hard to win the war– and meant no malice by enslaving an entire race of people for the purposes of profit. The bible isn’t very explicit in that regard and murder is certainly something that is condoned, especially if the cause is mandated.
At any rate, I am sorry to interrupt your festivities and your pledge of allegiance sleep over parties. However, as a citizen of the United States and proper gentleman from the north eastern corridor of this vast land, I wanted to thank you for surrendering and permitting my people to educate you and to join its armies for wars designed strictly for offensive purposes.
Now I will play you a song that your friends and family might like, ’round the olde dixie fireside.