So, Arnold Schwarzenegger isn’t going to get confused with Marlon Brando or Jack Nicholson anytime soon, but watching him in movies like “The Last Stand” can still hit the spot if you know what you’re in for. Though it occasionally scrapes the bottom of the barrel for laughs and often feels like a Chevy commercial, “The Last Stand” is true to the over-the-top action movies that made Schwarzenegger not only a household name but an icon. For those willing to swallow more bad dialog than Michael Bay’s cutting room floor, not to mention a plot that doesn’t even really try to make sense, “The Last Stand” is the perfect little toss-away action flick – one with just enough up its sleeve to make it worthwhile.
If you lived in Mexican-American border town Summerton, you would want Ray (Schwarzenegger) as your sheriff. Completely incorruptible and beyond reproach, Ray is enjoying his quiet life in a small town, but that doesn’t mean he’s willing to look the other way when something is amiss. Even on his exceptionally rare days off, Ray just can’t help scouring for bad guys. He may not be wearing the uniform when we first meet Ray in “The Last Stand,” but he isn’t going to allow a free-for-all just because he’s off the clock.
Right away Ray smells trouble in the form of a shady out-of-towner named Burrell, played with ease by veteran actor Peter Stormare. After playing a sleazeball for the Coen Brothers twice and building a career slipping in and out of the shoes of twisted creeps, Stormare simply looks like he’s up to no good. When Ray thinks there’s something off with Burrell, we know that he’s right and can assume this isn’t going to be an ordinary day off.
More trouble quickly brews. When FBI agent John Bannister (Forest Whitaker) tries to securely transfer dangerous cartel leader Gabriel Cortez (Eduardo Noriega), a daring rescue effort by the cartel ends up in pure chaos for the FBI. With Cortez now sprung from the clutches of the Feds and a small army providing him support, he starts heading for the border as quickly as possible in a supped up Corvette fit for a racetrack. Thanks to some clever tricks, an unbelievable amount of machinery and countless soldiers willing to die for him, it seems like Cortez has a great shot at getting back to Mexico to resume his usual malpractices. In his way: Arnold and a team of lackey local officers, who are likeable enough but not exactly ready for firefights with a heavily armed drug cartel.
When Cortez shows up on the scene, it may be too tempting to start poking at the logic behind the plot, as this would probably only lead to a headache. What makes Cortez such a criminal mastermind? How did he put together such a detailed plan under the custody of the FBI? Why does he say almost everything in English? There are a million questions to ask about our fearless villain – not that “The Last Stand” is interesting in answering any of them.
Of the biggest problems, the poorly imagined Cortez is a misstep that sticks out further than rest, making some of the middle scenes difficult to get through. Eduardo Noriega gives it a go, but the dialog is so unimaginative and by-the-numbers that he feels like a bloated cartoon instead of a worthy rival for our tough guy sheriff. What we end up with is a mess of recycled villains, a bad guy too dimwitted and uninteresting to hold a candle to his cinematic predecessors. Cortez ends up just another mass-murdering megalomaniac with a cartel full of drones at his disposal.
But no matter how thinly written Cortez’ role is, it all comes down to Schwarzenegger’s latest rogue good guy. With a loosely mentioned backstory about his violent days working for the LAPD, Ray is another character who implies that he’s the baddest hombre in town even though he’s never had to actually prove it. Thanks to a small group of loyal cops, led by character actor Luis Guzman and no-nonsense sharpshooter Sarah (Jaimie Alexander), he has just enough firepower to stand in the way as Cortez zooms toward the border with his impressive escort. It may seem like a mismatch, but this is Arnold we’re talking about here.
To be sure, not everything works in “The Last Stand.” Thanks to a few of the most clunky scene endings you’ll ever see and some allegorical dialog that Schwarzenegger nearly chokes on, “The Last Stand” has a pretty limited ceiling from the get-go. But despite its flaws, there are some well-made, rousing action scenes that deliver some genuine excitement, including a unique car chase though a cornfield that marks one of the movie’s high points. At the end of the day, after all the cheap thrills, bad jokes and uninspired shootouts, you might just find yourself rooting for Arnold to take down the bad guy in the name of justice, honor and cheesy B-movies. The end result is a lot closer to Vaudeville than “Citizen Kane,” but there you have it.
by RTT Staff Writer
For comments and feedback: editorial@rttnews.comEntertainment News